Afraid of Love

As I sit on a fluffy couch sheltered from the torrential monsoon of the Ugandan rainy season by a tent I think of the abortion of potential. I was listening to Brian Welch of Korn sing about being afraid to love. In my case it is afraid to live. Though of course, you cannot live apart from love. I am not speaking of a passionate emotionally driven favor of something or someone. To call love an emotional high is to rob from the essence of the reality of love. TO be afraid to love is to fear advancement in life. How can I rob people of their destiny merely because I am afraid of mine? I think so many times we fear life full of love and we counterfeit life to be more comfortable with our surroundings Do the generations following you a favor and do not substitute your life of greatness for complacency. Love for greatness for you and the thing you love. Dr Myles Monroe wrote something that changed my life, he said, “How many children yet unborn were designed to sing the song you have never written?” Live life to the greatest potential through love not to please, better yet, live life to for what you will be remembered by. Why do people linger on people’s opinion and do not fulfill their God given destiny. History is more important than present. History prepares the foundation for future generations.

I had a dream a few weeks ago and someone in the dream kept telling me, “You are beautifully and perfectly created in the image of God with unlimited potential.” That has been on my heart and every time I see an impossible task I think about that. I can do nothing on my own. With God all things are possible. God uses people to be his hands, so I can do nothing apart from what I encourage people to help me do. As times my life seems completely impossible to generate greatness that is when I lean on God and I think about all of the greats and how they all have problems and hard times. I think life can be as easy as you make it. It is power of thinking, speaking, and knowing love that generates greatness.

My week… I am not going to lie or buffer myself (sorry) but it has been straight from hell. I think that everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. Not to be pessimistic, Audra practice what you preached in the prior paragraph! You know every time I use an exclamation point I think about how Mark Twain said to use them is like laughing at your own jokes. Well I guess I laugh at my own jokes and I love using exclamation marks!

I caused an accident this week. A mzungu guy was looking at me and ran into the car he was following. I felt bad but just kept walking. My dad was in the hospital, nearly had an emotional breakdown, Michael Jackson died, was strapped by corruption, and I am displaced. The only one that I am going to go into is the displaced bit. I live/lived in a village right outside of Kampala. A man was arrested last Sunday for trying to kill a young girl, but is being charged with being connected with a gang of men, in my little village, who are murdering people to sell their body parts to witch doctors. The freaky thing is that the man who was arrested was a taxi driver. Lesley and I take a taxi into town everyday. I cannot compromise safety. God gave me wisdom for something.

On a happy note I took the Joy House children to the Zoo Saturday and had a blast! It was so amazing because the children had never seen the animals or the beach. They are African children and they had never seen a lion. You should have seen their faces when they were looking at the beach. They were so excited. It was a fantastic day that I would not trade for anything. I also got interviewed on TV about MJ’s death and you know a diva loves her bit of fame! Haha…

I had you all pray last week about me staying here in Uganda long term, and this week it was quite clear that God has other plans right now for me. That is okay. I am very sad to leave Uganda because this place is close to Heaven to me but circumstances have proved that I need to leave and return at a later date. Again I am heart broken but it is the more responsible, sensible, and most importantly it is God’s will. I think I will be coming back to the US in the next week or two. God bless. Kawa.