Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The "Dirty Mzungu"
So today the third world has spit on me… I have got the meaning of T.I.A. All jokes aside you ask me why I named this blog, "Dirty Mzungu" it is because I am in fact the stereotypical dirty white person. Today was a great day (well until a few hours ago). I woke up and went to Eagles Nest (The secondary school that I work daily). I met Lee at the school and we went into town, Ahh Parliament Avenue Café Pap… Well I have ordered this side of potato salad twice; Daniel (my waiter) brought the side that was half the size that I am used to. I was upset, the American came out in me or maybe that was the Texan in me! After much need complaining we then went to Garden City to meet the Ben Palow's. We met a friend, Moses, for Indian food that was wonderful. By the way I am going to miss this fantastic authentic Indian food when I come back to the States. You know there is such a huge population of Indians in Kampala. After leaving we went to the salon, Marco's to get our nails done. I was feeling extra girlie so you had better believe my toenails are Barbi pink! Pecos is back in town so after getting my nails done I decided to meet with him. Well I was a bit on African time; I told him 5 o'clock and did not leave the salon until 7. I am really going to have a hard time coming back to the U.S. I called Kalanzi, (my usual taxi driver) but after considering the horrible jam I decided that a Boda Boda (motorcycle) would be the best choice. Lee and I hopped on one boda. I explain to the Boda where exactly I am going. We decide on a price and went on our way. Everything was going great until he made an executive decision to go a different way than planned. The "Salamma Road" OHHHH NOOOO!!! The city of Kampala has totally torn this road apart because when the Queen comes in November for the Common Wealth meeting, she will take this Salamma road to the Speke Resort. It is a dust storm 24/7 and we were freezing cold on a Boda choking on dust. I actually think that I have "The Black Lung". By the way this road takes so much longer than the paved, no pot hole, and clean way through Kabagala, also it is the way I actually know. This Muslim man with short pants took Lee and me on quite an adventure. He lied when he said he knew exactly where he was going -We were so lost. If that is not bad enough, this side of Buziga is extremely hilly, and his boda b could not make it up the hills and the bike would start rolling backwards every time the bike would die, the locals were actually dying laughing saying, "this is Uganda". It was also hilarious to me at this point. We start moving and I swear that this Muslim driver was not devout, because he had to have been drunk with as recklessly as he was driving. He was driving straight toward a huge ditch and judging on his driving record that I had mad on the trip I did not think he was going to stop. I start screaming, Lee jumps of the back of the bike burning his leg on the muffler. The driver swerves and starts yelling "Chi Chi", which means "What" , Lee is jumping around with a 1st degree burn taking over the better part of his leg. We get back on the bike a bit weary and still very lost. So finally we find a route that I recognize and we take it. The road we under construction and there were huge holes in the road (when I say huge I mean 6 feet deep holes that completely cover the width of the road). With every hole that we came to Lee and I would get off of the bike and walk to the other side, while the boda B took the drive of death Evil Knievel style. Unfortunately Mr. Short-Pants was not as experienced as he would have liked to be, he wrecked, and the bike fell over on top of him. Haha.. It was soooooo funny! So there were no more problems until we got home. I was really afraid that Pecos was going to sic the guards on the helpless little white boy. Pecos thinks it is funny to get the guard to scare the boys with the Ak-47's. He is very protective with his girls. Thankfully (even though it would have been really funny) he was very hospitable to my guest. We sat on the porch upstairs for a long while talking, mostly Pecos talking and me dying of laughter. He is the funniest man alive in my eyes. He made me feel really great though; he was saying all types of nice things about me to Lee, calling me his daughter and such. I told him that I was engaged to Tashobya (just to mess with him) and he told me that he was putting two armed guards on me. Haha.. So now we are leaving. Mr. Short- Pants was sitting on the porch half asleep looking very much so defeated, I felt a bit bad for making him wait such a long time. We get back on the bike, after a lecture from Pecos; the little man started our journey back to the city. Too bad that wee only went about 500 meters before the bike ran out of gas leaving us stranded in the middle of no where. The driver makes another executive decision, only this time it really involves my life. He puts the bike in neutral and goes down the whole mountain/hill with a head light flickering on and off going way too fast and fishtailing. I was terrified, and anyone who knows me knows that I am a junkie for a thrill but this was too much. I was repenting for my sins out loud! Thankfully we made it safely and we got petrol. We dropped Lee off in Kabagala, which is relatively close to his house. I guess that was the moment this Mr. Short-Pants was waiting on. He started hitting on me. I cut that short with telling him that I was married to a Ugandan, Runyankole, and Pecos was my Step-Father, so he figured that I knew the local language. He asked me and I replied that I did. The rest of the trip he was speaking to me in Runyankole. It was kind of funny. I came home and wanted to eat but was too embarrassed to go anywhere because I was covered in dust. You probably do not understand when I tell you covered in dust. I had dust caked in every crevice of my face in my tear ducts, my snot was black, I had to clean my ears for about 20 minutes to get all of the grime out. I had dust caked on my legs, which be the way were covered by jeans… I was the epitome of the hated dirty American. To make matters worse, I got home and Daphney (Tashobya's Sis) looked at my butt and started laughing, she said I did not really know what these people were talking about saying you had grown fat but now I know, those jeans were hanging on you when I first met you now you have grown African… The end to a perfect day.
The "Dirty Mzungu"
So today the third world has spit on me… I have got the meaning of T.I.A. All jokes aside you ask me why I named this blog, "Dirty Mzungu" it is because I am in fact the stereotypical dirty white person. Today was a great day (well until a few hours ago). I woke up and went to Eagles Nest (The secondary school that I work daily). I met Lee at the school and we went into town, Ahh Parliament Avenue Café Pap… Well I have ordered this side of potato salad twice; Daniel (my waiter) brought the side that was half the size that I am used to. I was upset, the American came out in me or maybe that was the Texan in me! After much need complaining we then went to Garden City to meet the Ben Palow's. We met a friend, Moses, for Indian food that was wonderful. By the way I am going to miss this fantastic authentic Indian food when I come back to the States. You know there is such a huge population of Indians in Kampala. After leaving we went to the salon, Marco's to get our nails done. I was feeling extra girlie so you had better believe my toenails are Barbi pink! Pecos is back in town so after getting my nails done I decided to meet with him. Well I was a bit on African time; I told him 5 o'clock and did not leave the salon until 7. I am really going to have a hard time coming back to the U.S. I called Kalanzi, (my usual taxi driver) but after considering the horrible jam I decided that a Boda Boda (motorcycle) would be the best choice. Lee and I hopped on one boda. I explain to the Boda where exactly I am going. We decide on a price and went on our way. Everything was going great until he made an executive decision to go a different way than planned. The "Salamma Road" OHHHH NOOOO!!! The city of Kampala has totally torn this road apart because when the Queen comes in November for the Common Wealth meeting, she will take this Salamma road to the Speke Resort. It is a dust storm 24/7 and we were freezing cold on a Boda choking on dust. I actually think that I have "The Black Lung". By the way this road takes so much longer than the paved, no pot hole, and clean way through Kabagala, also it is the way I actually know. This Muslim man with short pants took Lee and me on quite an adventure. He lied when he said he knew exactly where he was going -We were so lost. If that is not bad enough, this side of Buziga is extremely hilly, and his boda b could not make it up the hills and the bike would start rolling backwards every time the bike would die, the locals were actually dying laughing saying, "this is Uganda". It was also hilarious to me at this point. We start moving and I swear that this Muslim driver was not devout, because he had to have been drunk with as recklessly as he was driving. He was driving straight toward a huge ditch and judging on his driving record that I had mad on the trip I did not think he was going to stop. I start screaming, Lee jumps of the back of the bike burning his leg on the muffler. The driver swerves and starts yelling "Chi Chi", which means "What" , Lee is jumping around with a 1st degree burn taking over the better part of his leg. We get back on the bike a bit weary and still very lost. So finally we find a route that I recognize and we take it. The road we under construction and there were huge holes in the road (when I say huge I mean 6 feet deep holes that completely cover the width of the road). With every hole that we came to Lee and I would get off of the bike and walk to the other side, while the boda B took the drive of death Evil Knievel style. Unfortunately Mr. Short-Pants was not as experienced as he would have liked to be, he wrecked, and the bike fell over on top of him. Haha.. It was soooooo funny! So there were no more problems until we got home. I was really afraid that Pecos was going to sic the guards on the helpless little white boy. Pecos thinks it is funny to get the guard to scare the boys with the Ak-47's. He is very protective with his girls. Thankfully (even though it would have been really funny) he was very hospitable to my guest. We sat on the porch upstairs for a long while talking, mostly Pecos talking and me dying of laughter. He is the funniest man alive in my eyes. He made me feel really great though; he was saying all types of nice things about me to Lee, calling me his daughter and such. I told him that I was engaged to Tashobya (just to mess with him) and he told me that he was putting two armed guards on me. Haha.. So now we are leaving. Mr. Short- Pants was sitting on the porch half asleep looking very much so defeated, I felt a bit bad for making him wait such a long time. We get back on the bike, after a lecture from Pecos; the little man started our journey back to the city. Too bad that wee only went about 500 meters before the bike ran out of gas leaving us stranded in the middle of no where. The driver makes another executive decision, only this time it really involves my life. He puts the bike in neutral and goes down the whole mountain/hill with a head light flickering on and off going way too fast and fishtailing. I was terrified, and anyone who knows me knows that I am a junkie for a thrill but this was too much. I was repenting for my sins out loud! Thankfully we made it safely and we got petrol. We dropped Lee off in Kabagala, which is relatively close to his house. I guess that was the moment this Mr. Short-Pants was waiting on. He started hitting on me. I cut that short with telling him that I was married to a Ugandan, Runyankole, and Pecos was my Step-Father, so he figured that I knew the local language. He asked me and I replied that I did. The rest of the trip he was speaking to me in Runyankole. It was kind of funny. I came home and wanted to eat but was too embarrassed to go anywhere because I was covered in dust. You probably do not understand when I tell you covered in dust. I had dust caked in every crevice of my face in my tear ducts, my snot was black, I had to clean my ears for about 20 minutes to get all of the grime out. I had dust caked on my legs, which be the way were covered by jeans… I was the epitome of the hated dirty American. To make matters worse, I got home and Daphney (Tashobya's Sis) looked at my butt and started laughing, she said I did not really know what these people were talking about saying you had grown fat but now I know, those jeans were hanging on you when I first met you now you have grown African… The end to a perfect day.
