You like-e-de-hubbley-bubbley?

This weekend/beginning of the week was great.. I just erased that because it was so boring. Then I typed it back because it needs to be stated! I feel like a mess, my pants are too tight, my franklin Covey has post-it notes taped all over it, I have 2 starbucks insulated cups empty with straws making my desk look dirty, I have a canker sore and I just drank a pineapple juice... And those are really my only worries! Life is good! I have clothes on my back and an extra pair to give to someone who does not have any.
An old lady in my church donated a car to me this past week! It could not have come at a better time because my Cabrio broke down. I just got the call from the mechanic telling me that my Axel was broken and my steering was about to fall out. I really do not know anything about that stuff..It sounds bad but not as expensive as I though it would be. God is constantly faithful!
Friday night, though raining in a flood, was one of the greatest times I have had in a really long time. I went to this Lebanese Restaurant with Tyna. We talked about our lives and the kingdom of God for hours! Shreveport does not know what it has coming! We were searching for something to do since it was like nine o’ clock and I had probably drank nine cups of coffee! While we were driving down the interstate a truck started driving head-on towards us. We were headed north and there is no possible was to go south on this road, he would have to exit north and turn around and get on another highway... We called to police! He could have killed someone! Anyways, we stumbled on a James Burton Guitar Festival. It was so much fun! We were the only young people really, so as you can imagine we got a lot of attention! It was a clean explosion of fun all packed in one night! Saturday Tyna and I went to look for apartments and got sick of the torrential rain fall, so we went to what we thought was a $1 theater.. Too bad it is just a really old and crappy theater that shows ‘already on VHS’ shows for the same price as regular theaters.. And they are not classics. I would pay to watch "A creature from the blue lagoon" in 3D for that price..not Wanted..Do not watch that horrible movie.. Save yourself from 2 hours of torture. Who ever thought wind surfing your fathers corpse out of a train that was derailed in a huge canyon was the cool thing to do. I thought it was a horrible and dirty flick. I left the movie only to find that my car was broken, but it is okay because once I got home I was greeted with the rich smells of Greek food. A wonderful lady from our family community decided that she wanted to cook for my Auntie to continue her two week birthday celebration! Basically we ate, played instruments, and talked all night. Sunday was a wonderful day to minister to my Jesus! Bishop Fuller delivered an awesome message about how Christ does not throw out the broken reeds. That would be a message to me, the president of Team Prodical! We continued to manifest glory by shifting the fellowship to a locally owned Mexican restaurant. After stuffing myself with food that makes me sick every time I eat it, I went to the Robinson Film Center. I have finally found the underground arts culture of Shreveport! I am even trying to get into an apartment loft building which is reserved for Artist only! I will keep you posted on how that goes! I watched, "The Unforseen Truth" it is a documentary about Barton Springs. It was really great. It made me wonder which side of the argument I am on. The environmentalist or the Capitalist. Do you ever have things that you love and are passionate about but there is an continual debate going on about it and you do not know where you stand? That is where I am with the Barton Springs debate. I love the springs dearly but I see where it should not be a reason that people cannot build homes. It was quite scary to see how much the water has been polluted since 1996. It is sad to think it will not be safe for the next generation to swim in. Moving off of that... Sunday night we had a band from a local church come and rock out for our youth group! It was trance like for me, I really like when worship is in state of ecstacy like that. Sunday night was concluded with Sushi and coldstone with the band, and then getting locked out of my house! It all worked out for the best! Thank you Jesus for an awesome weekend.

my Desktop background.. my computer is acting really stupid. Im trying to post blogs and it will not let me! This is a test!

The Mornings and my Equilibrium

I am going to try to start writing a little daily journal entry.

Myself
have to live with myself, and so, I want to be fit for myself to know; I want to be able as days go by, Always to look myself straight in the eye; I don't want to stand with the setting sun And hate myself for the things I've done. I don't want to keep on a closet shelf A lot of secrets about myself, And fool myself as I come and go Into thinking that nobody else will know The kind of man I really am; I don't want to dress myself up in sham. I want to deserve all men's respect; But here in this struggle for fame and pelf, I want to be able to like myself. I don't want to think as I come and go That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show. I never can hide myself from me, I see what others may never see, I know what others may never know, I never can fool myself -- and so, Whatever happens, I want to be Self-respecting and conscience free.


The Mornings and my Equilibrium
I shot out of bed this morning in fear that I was late to work but low and behold it was only 23:07, and then again at 3, and then at 4:36, 5:24, and then finally at 6:15! I sprung out of bed because my hair was a mass of wash but not styled frizz and I had to make myself look presentable, but too bad I stood up too fast! I stood up and then fell completely on the ground! Haha.. Does that happen to normal people?! Things like that always happen to me, and what makes it worst is when I tell people these stories they always reply with, "Haha... that would only happen to you, and I can totally see you doing that!" . Well I guess if I am not known for anything else on this short trip to earth I can be labeled as, "the girl who was challenged by gravity but had an expounding grace to her fall." There has to be an ancient Comanche name for that..I think you would have had to be a Frederick nerd as a child to get that! Or were other kids obsessed with Native Americans? My sister was the bigger nerd although I was not too far behind her! We had all the books, the costumes, the wars with homemade weapons. Life was perfect on the reserve for sis and me. Thinking about childhood you realize how many stages we go through in our lives! I am the queen of change. Those who know me well know that I am more happy on the go, and I live by change being the only constant. Hopefully that can be incorporate into the kingdom somehow! Then for the spectators of my life they see a free bird with no hope for commitment or submission, and defiantly no respect for the American dream. That probably is a little true but in my mind evolution is has done pretty good so far! I am constantly changing because I that is what I am in the Body of Christ. You know I really dislike it when I am drinking coffee and I get a grind in my mouth.. I just started gagging! Haha.. I also just got a call from a fellow Texan trying to go to school in Louisiana and we realized how expensive it is for out of state residency. That sucks since the state line is about thirty minutes away. But my state of stress ended when my boss just walked up to my desk and gave me a really cute bracelet that she bought for me!
I honestly do not have too much to say today, yet! Everyone needs to read, Compelled by Love, By Heidi Baker. I cry every time I open it up. Lately, I have been crying so much when I read. Yesterday I sat in taco Bell and cried while reading this book! I guess when you are in agreement with your destiny your spirit is moved. Like when you talk to someone with a kindred spirit and you manifest glory!
My Quote for the day:
Say little,
and love much,
Give all,
Judge no man,
Aspire to all that is pure.
–White Eagle.

The Back-Up Plan Culture

The Back-Up plan Culture.
I will no longer be a slave to the back-up plan culture. The culture that says that you have to have a back-up plan just in case God does not follow through with his promises. The thought process that claims that the king of kings is dead and untrustworthy. I put my foot down on trying to satisfy other peoples desires for my life on earth. Say its 100 years here, if you’re lucky and Trillions of years in Heaven. Rolland Baker talks about living a "Sermon on the Mount Lifestyle" do you understand the complexity of that? I did not until I started seeking what that really meant. I looked up the Beatitudes in Wikipedia, because I look up everything there! It this is one of the things that upset me,
The Beatitudes do not describe many separate individuals, but rather all the specific characteristics each must have to experience heaven. Biblical scholar and author Andrej Kodjak has stated that this opening of the sermon was designed to shock the audience as a deliberate inversion of standard values, but this shock value has been lost today due to the commonness of the text.[1]
The shock has left because of the commonness. The fact is that this is the constitution of what Christians are, and it has become so watered down that people actually think that God did not really mean it for everyone!
So, with this stated, I make a vow to God and the world that I will not have a back up plan.. If I live I live for you, Jesus. I do not care about becoming an outstanding member of society, or as rich as an oil tycoon in the U.A.E., or to have a degree in a frame on the wall, or having a house with a picket fence and four little boys. It is all up to God. I give my life to the cause of love. I am a firm believer that love is the pillar of a life in line with Christ. Now people can argue the fact that in the kingdom we are supposed to be the dominators. Take the Church, family, government, education, media, and arts over. And we are supposed to be the wealthiest people to Earth. I agree with that, completely. Christians are usually taught the escape route (how to make it to Heaven) and Muslims are taught to take over the world. I think we are put on the Earth for a divine reason to bring the kingdom of God to Earth, but in doing this are we becoming poor in spirit? What I am saying is that I am not going to condemn anyone for not selling everything that they own and giving it to the poor. Just make sure that you completely trust God for everything, because the healthy do not need a doctor. Never think you can do anything without him. If you decide to give your life to the ‘Sermon on the Mount lifestyle’ remember that you cannot have any trust issues with God. Give him your life and do not be an "Indian-giver" about it, and remember that it is all backwards in the kingdom!

News from Kentucky!

I am going to try to start writing a blog at least once a week, so we will see how that goes!

My life as I know it has been a little different lately! I have changed a lot in this time of just getting away from normal life as I usually know. I have had a lot of quiet times just to figure out who I am, and at times that makes you question who you are even more. This separation has been the most perfect thing for me! The last couple of weeks have been very uneventful! Besides the fact that I got into a car accident a few weeks ago in Nashville! I was in Nashville going to the destiny Conference that was amazing! Bro. Phil Brasfield and his sweet wife were such a great inspiration. I got to be apart of a live recording with John Ragsdale! That was a blast! I was able to talk to Anthony Skinner! Lineal Cooley prayed over Lyle and me imparting the fire of revival on us! That was awesome since he was the worship leader at the Brownsville Revival! Anyways all of that was so amazing! During the week I just come up to the church and pray! Yay! I had the youth girls over two weeks ago for Bible study and spa night! That was a blast even though they wore me out! I have really started to love these people so much! Lyle and me helped a lady move last week! Haha.. Honestly not too many super exciting things have been happening! This past weekend was AMAZING! Friday night we had Japanese with my newly adopted mom and dad, Jeff and Melissa Phillips! Then Saturday I got my hair cut! Later that night I went over to the Phillips to have dinner with the Ragsdales and a really sweet family from the church! It was so nice we ate and ate and ate, then played baggo, and then sang! It was great! Sunday morning services were great. There were a lot of people who came up for prayer and John moved in the prophetic! There were a few people who got baptized. After 2nd service we went to Moonlight bar-b-que! It is a world renowned place where presidents like to go! It was really amazing! I enjoyed it maybe a little too much! Then we went straight to Henderson, KY, which is really close to Indiana to go to hear John Ragsdale again. It was really crazy because I totally did not want to go because I was not feeling well. My life was changed forever after last night, I'm glad I went!! John was speaking about the fire of revival and how the fire should consume us, and how the way we play church is not working and God does not want religion. Its crazy how so many people can be feeling the same way and speaking the same things without even talking to one another about it! I guess that is the Holy Spirit letting us know what he is up to right now! KINGDOM KINGDOM KINGDOM!! I guess it has been all about the kingdom since Jesus came to Earth, but now we are finally realizing that it is the only to get God to come back! Well I got a major touch! I got prophesied over several times! Kristen Ragsdale was prophesying over me and said that that night was going to change my life forever and that I was going to be catapulted into my destiny! There were so many confirming words that just made my cup run over! I am really excited about what is to come not only in my last two weeks here in Kentucky but the rest of my life. God has really been dealing with me about not discounting my God given destiny. Don’t cheat God of what he has given you! Enlarge the Kingdom everyday! I have been reading in Isaiah and Jeremiah how God wanted to have mercy on his people but they were being religious and not really having a relationship with him, they were being racist, not caring for the orphan and widow, and falsely accusing people of crimes (I took that as judging people). Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by doing those things, but instead enlarge your faith and walk like Jesus walked!

This Wednesday we are taking the youth up into the mountains! We have a 10,000 sq. ft (I think) house rented! There is an indoor pool, theater room with chairs that vibrate, arcade, and it sleeps 60 people! It is going to be really great! We are going to have Bible studies but mostly just letting the kids be in a clean atmosphere to have tons of fun! I am excited!!!

Prayer: give us fresh revelation, new wine-skins, let your Gold oil of love and anointing flow on me and change every habit that I have formed, forgive me for the way I have done things in my religious ignorance, and completely possess me Jesus!

Going about my Fathers Business!

Going about my Father’s Business

“The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. You receive without paying; give without pay.”
-Matthew 10:7
Daddy, lover of my Soul, my strong tower, my refuge, best friend, my everything, I give you all honor. I love you so much, I love you, I love you because you have saved me with your wonderful grace. I love you because you have filled me with love to love you with. You are so perfect mighty king. You are so beautiful, I love everything about you, and I would not change a thing about you. I only want more of you. More of your love, more of your joy, more of your peace, more of your power. Papa, I ask you to increase your abounding love. Let there be an explosion of your spirit that reaches every person on this Earth. Give me supernatural help in the realm of love. God, let every aspect of my life be in perfect line with your word, both spoken and written. I want to be completely submitted to your leadership. I put complete trust in you. I will never question you! Daddy, let the spirit of Acts 2 infiltrate my world, my house of prayer, my heart. Let the thunder of you power shake religious foundations, shake our hearts, wake up this generation. I cry out for this generation for understanding, intimacy, and love. Let there be a revolution of love. An explosion of your love that will break every paradigm that is not of you. Give me an experience of your love, fill me so much that it starts to flow from me onto every person that I come in contact with. I ask you for the “more than” and the “other than”.. Only more of you! Release throne room encounters, visions, and dreams. Daddy, let the brightness of your face touch my human spirit. I ask for sounds, voices, and ideas from the Throne Room would totally shake me in your Glory! Let the glory be on me constantly, let me live in it. Send a glory cloud to every assembly. Let me have a new resolve of the Holy Spirit. I contend for signs, miracles, grace, quickening of the Spirit, fire, drunken glory, joy, LOVE, peace, and all of the things that you have promised in your word! God, I give you my whole heart, everything that I am is for your delight. Establish my heart, and make me new. I crucify my flesh and ask for repentance. I ask you for a new dimension of your holiness. Let me be structured out of your holiness. Make me blameless in holiness, with no compromise. ESTABLISH MY HEART! Let the lightning and thunder strike from your Throne Room into my heart. Give me more! You are my heart’s desire. I want your heartbeat, I want your eyes, I want your ears. Let me know the activity of your spirit. You are the God of acts. You are so perfect! I stand in the gap between your great desire and our great need. Give me above and beyond what I ask of even can think. I believe you hear me, and will answer my prayers because I am in agreement with your word. Reveal the miracle of your love, and the liberty of your holiness. Thank you savior! I love you so much more than anything. Amen!

Ok, I wrote out that prayer because I wanted to get some agreement on the things I am feeling! Now, this is a really great prayer that I found in the Bible. It is a great prayer for spiritual growth through love.
Ephesians 3:14-21
When I think of all you have done I fall to my knees to praise you, creator of everything on Earth and in Heaven. I pray that from your glorious, unlimited resources, you will empower me with inner strength through your spirit. Then make your home in my heart because I trust you. Let my roots grow deep in your love and keep me strong in your love. Give the power to understand, as everyone should, how long, how high, and how deep your love is. Let me experience the love of Christ, though it is too grand to understand. Give me understanding. Then make me complete with all the fullness of life and the power that comes from you. Glory to God who is able! Through your mighty power at work within me, to accomplish infinitely more than I might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through generations forever and ever! Amen!
Wow, now if you are still reading I am blessed to have you as a friend, because either you really love me or the better you really love Jesus!
Ok, the reason for this blog is to explain what is happening in my life. God is constantly giving me new revelation, so my life changes every week, but this will be a constant thing. I am moving to Kentucky! I was going to go to Kentucky for a month and then go to Mozambique, Africa, to do a missions school with Heidi Baker for 3 months. I am not going to do that until October. Well actually I am not going to put Gods work on a time line. So… whenever god wants me to go I will go. I know that I do not need to go now! It was confirmed because my friend that was going with me did not know that I had decided to go in October, and I was feeling bad because I was thinking that I was going to have to look at pictures while he was over there and I was here in the states. God takes care of his little girl. I’m a little spoiled with favor! Haha..the cool thing is that every child of the King is his favorite, just some ask for more. I am one of those annoying kids who ask for EVERYTHING! I always want more, because I am only satisfied with all of him and that will keep me seeking viciously for the rest of my life. Anyways, Lyle told me a few days later that he was going to wait till October to go to Iris Ministries in Mozambique. Yay God! You’re so cool Pops! Anyhow, I’m moving to Kentucky to help out Promise Land, Calhoun, Ky! I will be living by myself, which will be great! A lot of time to constantly be in communion with God. P.s. you should think about taking communion every day. See what God says to you about that! Not to make it a religious ritual, but to constantly be full of him! WoW! I do not know how long I am going to stay in Kentucky, but when God says I’ve been there long enough I am going to go to Shreveport, Louisiana with my Uncle and auntie Suber. I am going to help them. A friend recently prophesied over me that I was made to travel around and build up small places, and then a few days later this grand plan is unveiled! I’m standing on his promises! Haha.. I am getting holy laughter just thinking about how great God is! Haha! I was really hesitant about writing about me moving for one, and then what God is doing in my life, because I did not want people to think I am crazy. I honestly don’t really care though. I am a laid down lover of the king and I will do anything to please him, regardless of what people say, or what society labels as “practical”... Every bit of “logic”, understanding, wisdom, etc. is coming from the grand creator of plans! I trust him! Anywho… my life has really dramatically changed. I have never been happier, full of so much joy, and love. I feel complete! Not satisfied, just complete! I know the key to ultimate joy! Honestly, listen to me! It is achieved through an experience of God’s abounding love. I had my first encounter with God’s love a few months ago. It totally messed me up, because I was not mentally prepared for it. My heart was in the right place, but I did not understand how to reject negativity and turn it into love! Haha! Patricia King gave me a trick to do to people that hurt me, get a picture of them and smile at it and tell it “I love you so much” everyday. It trains your mind to love the people that hurt you so badly! Great key! This year has been a tsunami of the change in the spirit for me. I brought the year in with The Call. I was screaming freedom when the clock hit 12! So…you can only imagine. I came back to reality but with a new flame burning deep. January was full of prayer and fasting. I didn’t understand why I kept feeling like I was hitting a glass ceiling, but I was and it was driving me crazy! February was started off at a prophetic conference. I got anointed be Keith Miller! But I was in the midst of all of these people who operate in this realm that was completely foreign to me, but was everything that I wanted. I felt the Glory so strongly for the first time in years after that conference. The night that the glory came on me, I experienced God’s Love, and it was an actual tangible feeling. Like a warmth and electricity throughout my entire body. After that I was really messed up. It’s like I started seeing things the way God see’s them. I do not think I was matured enough for that, and it kind of made me a little sour about religion and people. That okay to a point. Now, I still cannot tolerate fake people or religion but I can look at them through love and the way God sees them. He sees everyone at their highest potential all the time! Also, so many people that are bound to religion do not even realize that they are trapped. The power of his love is so transforming. February and March were tough… BUT April wow… has been blissful! Perfect love!!!! So, I went to Alabama to, The Call. It was great! I got to attend it with my best friends, including Becky, a roommate/sister from Christian Life College. I am so blessed to have such great people in my life! Anyways totally transformed by freedom, love, and liberty I got from worshipping in agreement with thousands or other people. Anyhow, we had to leave the Call early and my spiritual advisor told me that I needed to claim a 7x blessing for the blessing I missed at the last of the call. At the Call you intercede and fast for 10 hours and then the last 2 just worshipping. I had to miss the last two, so I was that spoiled kid who said “Daddy I want what the other kids got plus a lot more!” haha! I got a lot more! That Sunday was the freest service that I had ever been in. There were healings and just joyous love for my papa with no agenda! I loved it so much! My week in Kentucky was so great for me. I changed a lot honestly. You say that is impossible, believe what you want but I got wacky! I am almost that crazy woman at prophetic circles that has the banners and flags! Haha.. not really! I just got to really spend time with Jesus to figure out just how much he loves me. I really found out! One night I got so drunk in the glory that Cait, Lyle, and I just laid in a wheat field and got full of the glory. Now, it cannot be held in. that is why I wrote this insanely long blog, because I want everyone to know, like “yada” the father. Treat him like he is your husband, your first love, your only desire and he will totally take over your life through love! And WOW what an adventure loving him is! Beware this experience of love will totally change the way you see life, people, your goals, your dreams, your present state, and will give you new convictions. It’s great… the most fulfilling thing in life. And it will give you complete and utter joy! I don’t know why I feel like writing this, but maybe someone who reads this will need to remember what true undefiled religion is. Well according to James 1:27,
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the father, is this: to visit the orphans and the widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. Here are some other great scriptures on love and responsibility of loving like Jesus loves so that we can become more like him!!
My favorite Scriptures this month:

Mt. 10:42
“And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple; truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward!”
Mt. 18:5-6
“whosoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whosoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned to the depth of the sea.”
Mt. 22:37-40
“You shall love the Lord with all your heart soul and all your mind. This is the great commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”
Mt. 25:40—see vs. 45 also.
“And the King will answer them, ‘truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”
Mark 4:26
“The Kingdom of God is if a man should scatter seed on the ground. He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”
Mark 16:12
“Go ye unto all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whosoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whosoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in the new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover!”
WOW!
Luke 10:25… read it.
Luke 14:12
“When you give a dinner or banquets do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you will be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”
I John 4:7-21—the whole chapter! Actually the whole book of I John has been a total filet minion for me!
John 6:35
“I am the bread of life whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whosoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from Heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day, For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise up on the last day.
John 14:18
“I will not leave you like orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me, And he who loves me will be loved by my father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.
John 15:9
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.
All of Acts 2
II Cor. 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak I am strong.
Galatians 2: 20
I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 5:6
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love.

Galatians 5:22
But the fruits of the Spirit are LOVE, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control: against such things there is no law.

--Luke 17:21 Is really great!
I Peter 1:8
Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with the joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.
I John 3:16
By this we know love that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
I cor. 2:9
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”

Catastrophe lurks in the City

Catastrophe lurks in the city
The only way I can think of HIV AIDS is Genocide – a killing force taking no mercy and affecting everyone in its path. Today I experienced the most devastating thing that I have ever seen in my life. I saw anguish in a new light. I saw pain.. I saw death.. I saw life for so many people.
I met a couple be freak chance the other day who has started an organization called, Global Family Rescue. They find widows and orphans that have no way of living with out aid. They were working in Rwanda for three years but recently were thrown out by the government because they were helping out both Hutu's and Tutsi's and the government only wanted them to aid Hutu's. Today we went scouting for families to support. There is nothing that I could have done to psychologically prepare myself for what my day had in store for me. We started out at this beautiful woman's house. She was HIV positive. She had been beaten so severely by her husband that she went blind. I can not explain the beauty of this woman and how radiant her smile was. She had about five children who were infected, and her oldest (a ten year old named, Raymond) was the source of income and the man of the house. She gets her meals by begging on the street because she cannot do any manual work. Her husband had been crazy and wanted to kill her. One day while she was out he came with a machete and slaughtered her mother, her baby, and the sitter. The youngest child saw everything and is severely psychologically damaged. This woman has no money for food let along pain killers for the infection funning through her veins. She is truly helpless. You should have seen her house. It was one room with three beds, a iron pot used for cooking in the middle of the floor and that is all. They have nothing but broken dreams and infection that is slowly and painfully killing her, yet she was one of the most positive people that I have ever met. I cried so hard when she started to cry as she told us that she just wanted to live to see her kids marry and have babies because I knew in the next couple of years she would be dead. She has such strong faith in God. She is not angry with him but was talking about his blessings. We went to another house where a "jaja" (grandmother) was caretaking her eight orphan grandchildren because her three children had all died of HIV. We spoke with the eldest child who had watched both of her parents die a year ago. She cried so hard when we asked her how she felt - if she was angry or sad. None of these children can go to school because there is no government funded schools and they can not afford 50,000 shillings, about $25 to attend school. We went to household after house hold and the same story, parents killed from Aids and no money for food or school or medicine to prevent the symptoms. Then we went to a home.. a dirt room where a 37 year old mama (who looks about 80) that was infected and had been bed ridden for four years. She went to the restroom in her bed and had not bathed. You can imagine the smell. Her husband died of the virus and left her sick with six kids. Her oldest kid, Grace is 20 years old and has been bed bound for three months. This HIV is killing them and they have never received any medicine, not even pain killers. The mom was rotting. I am not exaggerating she is decomposing. Her ear was molded; she looked like she had leprosy. She and Grace were nothing but bones. I could put my hand around her thigh. It is not fair. They had not eaten in three days. We asked her what she needed and she asked for school for her children who had never been to school, a meal, a blanket, and prayer. I sat with Grace for a really long time just loving on her. I cannot imagine the fear that consumes her mind as she lies next to her decomposing mother and knows that is what she will be soon. She was so beautiful and graceful. I couldn't help but to weep as I held her hand and thought about how she has nothing to live for. I wanted to dress her up and take her to have coffee with a boy –what she should be doing. It is not her fault that she is infected why does she have to die because of her parents.<> These kids stay up every night by their mothers bed side with a candle to make sure she does not die in the night. They do not even know how old they are… Never have they ever had a birthday party or experienced "Joy" as we would know. Actually in most of the houses they had an unexplainable joy but this house was heavy with depression and anguish. We didn't see any smiles there. I had to get this off of my chest I have been crying and really psychologically screwed up all day because of it and writing seems to help. Lets do everything that we can do to stop this epidemic. PLEASE don't just sit on your pride and let these people die. A very small amount of $ can supply many with medicine so dying isn't filled with starvation, anguish, and pain -as these people were. I saw a dead woman today with a high, soft, and calm voice. She held my hand and prayed FOR ME!!! How is this happening in this day of age? How is this possible? Don't be critical because you think people will screw over your money, that is just an excuse to sit on your money. Have you heard of Jesus' parable of the Talents. The servant who sat on his money was called evil and was cast out by the master, but the servant who did something with his money was favored by the master, and the master said 'Well good thou good and faithful servant, you may enter into the masters courts." Do what you wish with what you wish but you can never loose from helping a person.